Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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