I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
