i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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