if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
