Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
