Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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