Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
whose parrot is this?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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