I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
