Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize