So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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