For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
