They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
