Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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