and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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