this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
