It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
