Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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