roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
