this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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