Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
