She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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