You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
