How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
