too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
