I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can I color on your dick again?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
