My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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