i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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