Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
