ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
