My nipple is on Facebook.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize