I'm going to jail i love you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
