While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
