anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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