How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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