If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
