Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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