He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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