just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
