Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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