I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
