as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize