and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
