Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
