Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
