if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
