Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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