JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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