does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
