i don't like sucking hair
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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