Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
