i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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