WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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