wanna go halves on a baby?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Acid is not a monday night drug
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
