mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize