To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
