I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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