genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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