A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
