The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
