sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
