I'm gonna have a badass scar
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
