trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
