Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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