We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
