I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want nice things and good sex
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
