2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
