I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
