They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
