Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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