Where did you get a picture of my penis
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
