i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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