Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
