So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
