I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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