Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
