Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
