woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
